To That Guy…

To the guy who climbed up onto my hostel bunk, whispering “I want to give you pleasure” while telling me to take off my clothes…

To the one who’s mouth kept finding my neck while I danced with my friends…

To the colleague who buys me coffee and chocolate, even after I tell him not to…

To the married man in my language exchange group constantly asking me to see a film with him…

To the engineer who messaged me for months saying “we need to talk” after I told him I wasn’t interested…

To the men yelling at me on the street while I hide in an over-sized guy’s shirt…

To the creep who stroked my hair…

To the old guy who touched my bum…

To the boy who followed me…

To the customer who…

To the…

To…

How about, for once, we take a woman’s wishes at face value. When she turns you down, no matter how politely she does it or how far she’s gone with you up until that moment, let’s respect her enough as a human-being to back off. When she ignores your advances, turns down your invitations, walks down the street, reads a book, goes to work… you know, every day human stuff… let’s back off. It’s not her job to explain why she’s not interested. It’s not her job to “act like a bitch” to get her message across. And it’s certainly not her job to fulfill a man’s every whim if she agrees to enter into conversation with him.

I like going out with my friends. I like socializing and speaking French with other French speakers. I like traveling and chatting with people from all over the world. And by treating me like anything less than a real person with rights and wants of my own, you are taking away my agency and the excitement I have over doing what I enjoy. You’re effectively telling me that my only worth is in what I can offer you, and that if I don’t want this attention, I should stay as invisible as possible.

I’m sick of smiling politely while my stomach clenches with anxiety. I’m sick of feeling worn out and invalidated at best and threatened and unsafe at worst. I’m not your “baby” I’m not some “chick”. I’m here to enjoy myself, hang out with my pals, and in many cases I’m just trying to get about living my life. I’m not flattered, I’m not going to be “worn down”, and I’m not going to plaster a smile over my legitimate feelings any more.

If you can’t act like a decent human-being and respect the rights of those around you, please just stay home.

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3 thoughts on “To That Guy…”

  1. This post is too real. Some days I’m afraid to sit outside just because I can’t deal with the men who pass by on the street. :/

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