Alright, I’m just going to come right out and say it. Living in a big city can get lonely. Yes, there are literally millions of people around me all the time, but tricking them into a conversation, that’s the challenging part. In the words of almost all my pals “But how do you meeeet people??”
And the answer seems to quite often be “…Tinder?” followed by a very hasty cringe.
So yea. I did it. I downloaded Tinder. And the results were — how do you say? — frightening. So here’s a very visual trip down my dating journey:
First up, what’s with all the NZers??? I came to this side of the world to get away from them all! Also, I’m not swiping on someone who has 20 common connections. Nope.
Then I got into the comedy territory, which, you know, gives you a little boost as you wade through the sea of womp.
But then I very quickly realized that I’d made a massive mistake, and had to exit comedy territory immediately.
And then there are the ones that make me want to rip off all my skin and toss my sinuous body off of tower bridge.
In the grip of blind terror I had to fling my phone to the other side of the room and burn a bushel of sage when this guy came up. Each picture was him getting a little bit closer. Oh my life! Why!?
Now it wasn’t all bad. I did go on a few dates. Including a guy who cost me £50 in cocktails. FIFTY POUNDS? DAMN IT LONDON!!! I was living off rice for a week to make up for that one.
And then the other day I had a date all lined up when this happened:
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was talking to Liam freeking Neeson???
Oh life, what are you like. I think I’ll just stick to books.